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Pawar-sharing

We are going through a very lean patch; apart from the Shroud's fiasco, nothing's going well for us. We were about to embark for celebrations in the islands where they make the best rum in the world, and that scheme too did a Titanic: Meticulous us forgot to check the expiry dates on certain travel documents till it was too late. That's how brilliant we are. Therefore, we deserve to be here for the rub-face-in-mud treatment forthcoming from Saisuresh. (Incidentally, there's been a Remark on his ponytailed appearances in our column; our ploys are being resented. That pleases us; we thrive on jealousy.)

Reason for the drubbing: We stuck our neck out to declare that the NCP would support a Sena-BJP government in Maharashtra. Thing is, we were lulled by a report which confirmed that P A Sangma had met Advaniji for discussions on the political situation in Meghalaya, where an NCP-UDP-BJP alliance could replace the Congress-HSPDP coalition in government (geez, what enthusiasm for acronyms we have). Mr Sangma had also said that "there seems no alternative to a BJP-SS alliance government in Maharashtra," and although Advaniji made no such claims, we believed he would swing it. Either the home minister didn't even try, or the Great Maratha Milquetoast is set on a way back into the Shroud's divine favour. Result: We are now stuck with a Pawar plant -- a known Pawar baiter, to boot. We are immediately under the rule of something called Vilas Deshmukh, and since we know little about it, we shall wait for an appropriate time to undertake its re-baptism.

In truth, we are not particularly enamoured of Narayan Rane or Gopinath Munde, and Pramod won't budge from Delhi, either. Sadly, we don't find a spark in anybody in our state's fundie politics -- South Bombay's Jaywanti Mehta, least of all. What's making us writhe in agony is that, had they been in Delhi, the leading lights of the Pradesh Congress would have one hundred per cent found pride of place in the Shroud's cozy coven. The lot of them, from that despicable entity called B Pratap (do not ask us for his full name, we hang our head in shame), to the even more contemptible being named Suresh Kalmadi, bring to our mind Noel Coward's graphic put-down: "I see her as one great stampede of lips directed at the nearest derriere." On second thoughts, we hereby re-christen the coven as "chamberpots."

So, Maharashtra's chamberpots have joined hands with the Milquetoast mentals in a power-sharing blueprint known to politicos as the "Sena-BJP formula." Henceforth, it'll be known as Pawar-sharing; the NCP gets the portfolios held by the BJP, and that slag, Chhagan Bhujbal, gets to be deputy CM. To refresh your memories, Chhagan is the dirtbag who had staged an elaborate shuddhikaran rite and sprinkled Gangajal at Bombay's Flora Fountain -- after Dalits held a demonstration there. This is the slug who had declared that Nathuram Godse had assassinated Gandhiji for the benefit of the country and that statues of Godse and not Gandhiji should be erected. This superb new coalition also absorbs the PWP, JD-S, the three RPI factions, BBM, SP and CPI -- an alphabet soup guaranteed to make any self-respecting human being throw up.

Even so, after NCP's Devendra Dwivedi (a good debater, this one), said, "It has been a very difficult decision to decide on an alliance with Congress, but it ought to be taken owing to hung assembly, as a secular government has to be formed," we still will not charge after him with our broomstick for that "secular" reference. No matter what Rane may rant, Maharashtra did not give a mandate to the fundie alliance in the assembly. Of the 288 Vidhan Sabha seats, the stats are as follows:

	1995	1999	Loss
Congress	80	75	-5
Shiv Sena	73	69	-4
NCP	-	58	-
BJP	64	56	-8
Others	71	30	-41
SS-BJP	137	125	-12

In our sub-mathematical mind, which is always contrary to learned opinion, if there is a mandate, it's for the NCP. It made for every other party's losses and came ahead of the BJP. Who fought how many seats, what's the voter percentage blah blah, is besides the point. Elections are emotional -- people don't keep electoral strategies in mind, and nor will we. Besides, psephology is rather like economics -- great at fixing cause/effect on what's passed, and that's about all. As we see it, Maharashtrians rejected the Sena-BJP, as well as the Congress -- in the state.

At which point we must doff our pretty hat to the shrewdness of the people and take back all the rotten things we've said about them over the years. They are *darn* clever. They rebuked the regional government which displeased them, and they virtually stoned the prime-ministerial candidate they rejected. See the stats of the 48 MPs Maharashtra sends to Delhi:

	1991	1996	1998	1999
Congress	38	15	33	8
BJP	5	18	4	20
Shiv Sena	4	15	6	13

No doubt, the Congress, single largest party in Vidhan Sabha and single digits in Lok Sabha, was booted out because of its prime-ministerial cocktail: implicit, not admitted. The Sena, we're certain, lost out in the state because of the allegations of corruption -- some entirely credible -- against its rank and file, and the deeds of the Thackeray juniors, with Madam Smita leading the roost in incurring the people's rancour. As for the BJP, well, we had warned them about reflected anger. However, we are glad they had the courage to ignore us. Balasaheb is a loyal alliance partner, and shedding him would have destroyed the BJP's credibility. As for us, Bal Thackeray is the Shiv Sena and vice versa, and we are all praise for his stand against allying with the Milquetoast. Can't help it, we simply adore people who give up the chance to procure power, whether based on ideology or personal animosity. Oh yeah, Balasaheb rules...

Which cannot be said about the Milquetoast. From the time that he coolly usurped the chief-ministership of Maharashtra from his own mentor, Vasantdada Patil, to date, when he has aligned with the party he broke away from for the umpteenth time -- "Why should we raise the issue? The situation has changed now. Mrs Sonia Gandhi is not forming the government" -- the man reveals nothing but a mania for getting a toehold in the power structure. That Mr Sangma can still stick to his anti-Congress guns, speaks volumes in contrast. Balasaheb had once said of Pawar, "he is a good conspirator but he can't deliver." So right...

To deliver, a leader needs the guts to reject power -- clinching deals is not enough. Even as the Sahib Singhs and Khuranas and Hegdes were pettily bickering over Cabinet berths, Our Man in Andhra Pradesh was busy getting his major schemes, including the expedition of the long-stalled Vizag thermal power project, cleared by the Vajpayee government. That's called determination, foresight, and having one's priorities right -- it will make Mr Naidu a formidable factor in *national* politics. On the other hand, Sharad Pawar, in his undying quest for power, has made a career of throwing down the gauntlet before the Congress leadership -- as with Narasimha Rao post-Bombay riots, then with Kesri during the CPP elections -- only to meekly pick it up again. Succumbing to the first offer made does not a stalwart make.

Time and again, the Milquetoast has let us down, but this is the very last straw from the Straw Man: Pawar's first recommendations to the CM of Maharashtra are the formation of the Maulana Azad financial corporation to generate jobs for unemployed youths from the Muslim and other minority communities; setting up of the state minorities commission; starting of the Urdu Academy; steps to ensure 33% reservation for women in the state assembly and Lok Sabha; and review of the pending TADA cases. Now, there is absolutely nothing wrong about any of these suggestions and we oppose none (well, maybe the women's quota thinggie). What hits us is the timing: WHAT makes these over and above all other requirements of Maharashtra...? The Milquetoast's vote bank? We are back to square one: disintegration via Congress culture. We weep for our state.

To turn from a regional ignominy to a national one, we are sorry that no longer will we have the pleasure of using the term "Ambulance Chaser" in our column. On the 15th, Kapil Sibal signed off as Congress spokesman -- while confessing that many of his statements during the elections were made not by choice or out of conviction, but under compulsion. "When you are a politician you are not natural... Many a thing I said during elections was not because I wanted to say so, but because I was required to." We were speechless. Is THIS what politics is all about?? M J Akbar, now editor of The Asian Age, had also announced that whatever he'd said in his avatar of Rajiv's Congress spokesman was "bakwaas."

Is it any wonder that not a soul in his right mind -- which group excludes pinkos, casteists, secularists and nearly all newspaper editors and their pet fabricators -- took Sibal's grave allegations against the BJP-led government and the prime minister seriously...? If nothing else, the BJP should plaster every wall in this country with Sibal's unbosoming: CONGRESS CONFESSES THAT IT NEVER MEANS WHAT IT SAYS. Too, we are all with the Indian army should it decide to do what its Paki counterpart always does with politicians who trifle with them. It is outrageous that the Congress studiedly dragged through the slime an institution above and away from politics. For this reason alone, the buggers should all be hanged.

Ah yes, charges of conspiracy, money laundering and tax evasion have been filed against deposed Pakistani PM Nawaz Sharief, now lodged in Attock Fort. Punjab CM and Mian Sharief's brother Shahbaz Sharief, chief of Ehtesab Bench Saif-ur-Rehman, ISI chief Lt Gen Ziauddin, Kashmir affairs minister Majeed Malik are among others also under arrest. A lot of necks there, sweating away... And all for what? A piece of Jammu & Kashmir... Kargil. Best of all, General Pervez Napoleon has offered "unconditional" talks to India (rejected by Brajesh Mishra, thank the Lord), and a "unilateral military de-escalation" along the border. But before the paeans begin, answer this: Does he have a choice...? Sure we're disappointed that our blood-thirsty fundie prime minister may not get a chance to test the Agni, but... INDIA RULES, we tell you!

Varsha Bhosle