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He is from South Africa. She, from Australia. The differences would take a book to list; the commonalities are easily itemised: they are both on the Net, they both share an interest in cricket, they are both warm, outgoing people. And, oh yes -- they are in love. Deeply, irrevocably. Here's their story, in their own words.

I have been an Internet junkie for nearly three years now and have chatted to many people about sport, politics and general interest stuff. Some of the "dating" sites and newsgroups have been very interesting and I have chatted to many interesting women from various countries.

Net relationships don't come that easily though. For all the friendly chats with people contacted via these methods, there has never been that real spark of interest. Why then did I fall so hard when it was least intended?

Maybe I am a naturally flippant person, and that can be interpreted as being flirtatious at times, but the first time I sent an email to this person, a serious relationship was far from my mind. Finding a woman on a male-dominated sporting newsgroup was not that surprisingand sending her replies to postings also not too tough. What I then found was someone I could talk to as an absolute equal, someone who's mind was attuned to my own or vice versa maybe. My obscure references and jokes were understood immediately. Hers I picked up quickly too. This communication was mind-boggling and a kindred spirit had been found.

This relationship was not local, rather she was on the other side of the world and the time difference between us was a good eight hours. Before there was any idea of anything serious, I found myself getting up earlier each day to read mails sent overnight and to reply to them. Staying up late to say hello to this lady became a part of my life, too.

I remember the first time she said that if I didn't stop being so charming (?), she would fall in love with me. This was crazy as far as I was concerned. My style of conversation was funny, slightly abusive, but I suppose interested and caring. Why hasn't this style of communication worked when I have been trying to start something? Anyway, I laughed off all ideas of this "love". One day she dropped the bombshell and told me that she was "officially" in love with me. The confusion and mixed feelings were, and still are, scary as hell. All of us want love, but the responsibilities that go along with it are terrifying.

It wasn't too long before I realised that there was no need to repress my feelings, as I did need this woman, in every way. I can't remember the first time I told her about my feelings or even her response, that is all a bit of a blur. I was hooked and I wasn't going to get away from it.

There is a huge amount of confusion that goes along with such a relationship. How can I possibly love someone I have never met? Is it possible that the person I would like to spend the rest of my life with lives 13,000 km away from me? How was it that I managed to find her amongst the five billion odd people in the world? If I could find such a perfect person, what were the chances that she would love me too? The confusion was, and still is, endless. The frustration is rough, but I wouldn't give her up to be rid of it. The worry is that when we do meet, she won't like me.

Net relationships are fraught with problems. Next week I will be away from home. My notebook goes with me, so theoretically I will be able to make contact with my woman. Previous experience indicates, however, that, even with the right equipment, it is not that simple. The thought of being out of contact for nearly a full week is just not acceptable. If I have to kill someone, I will get a connection. As I said before, I am hooked and this on the sort of relationship that I always sneered at before.

The main considerations involved in this are that if you are impatient, avoid such a relationship. If, however, you are open-minded and prepared to accept that your perfect partner doesn't live right next door, then this can work for you. Just as in the normal situation of life, Net love doesn't happen just because you go looking for it. More than likely, it creeps up and bites you when you least expect it.

My last hurdle happens in 84 days. Then I will finally meet the woman of my dreams (I hope) and I will be able to say for once and for all if Net romances really work.

In the meantime, all I have to say is that I love someone I have never met, absolutely, and can't imagine how it could possibly have been any other way.

When I broke up with the first of my Net-boyfriends last year, I swore to myself, "Never again"!

Net relationships are, I realised, tiring, frustrating and an extremely stupid way to behave. Naturally, having recognised this, I was in a new one within three months.

This leads to the question as to what is the attraction of these things. Is it just that I, and an increasing number of others, are all totally mad? If you are like most of my friends, this is the correct answer. If you ask another of my friends, it is a blatant attempt to avoid "real" relationships. If you were so desperate as to ask my mother, it is because I just have to do things differently ('in MY day, we used to meet the man first') and when is she going to get grandchildren?

None the less, they are becoming far more common, and socially acceptable. Last week, in Australia, the immigration board accepted a Net marriage as grounds for citizenship. The couple had been communicating for two years, but had never physically met, and they married on the Internet just before one partner moved to Australia. Friends of mine found this amazing, but I thought it would have been one of the easiest relationships to prove. All they would have had to do is show the megabytes of email messages that they would have produced in that time and there you are!

And, believe me, there would have been megabytes. I have been going out, for want of a better word, with my current man for four months now and we each have well over a thousand letters on our hard drive from the other. This is a pair, mind you, who slightly sneer at email and only use it when chat isn't available.

This takes me back to my opening point. Why on earth would anyone do something that is this hard? Because, believe me, Net relationships are much harder than ones in person but almost infinitely more worthwhile. And I am not just referring to romantic relationships here. I am also referring to the friendships and, indeed, enemies that you make.

Most of my close, "real life" friends hear from me about once, or maybe twice, a year. They live in a different state and I know they are there and that's all very nice. If I don't hear from my Internet friends at least once a week, preferably twice, or seven times, I get extremely annoyed. I send them rude notes saying, "Where the hell are you? You better be dead or else you will be shortly!" I sulk and complain and play 58 games of Minesweeper one after the other, hoping a letter will turn up in the interim. I make vast plans to travel to the other side of the world to stay with them, I send them toys and chocolates that they don't get where they live and I make the phone company very, very happy by ringing them up at odd hours.

None of my other friends get this kind of treatment. They receive more, "Do you feel like going to the movies? No? Oh, okay then. If you do want to some time, give me a buzz!"

Similarly, in real life, I don't know of anyone who could be said to hate me. Or, even dislike me that much. They may well exist, but I don't know of them. On the Net, you know, I am an official hate object! And it is, in fact, rather enjoyable. I remember, after replying in a particularly vicious way to some chap who had deliberately tried to take me on, printing out said nasty letter and showing it to everyone in the office, saying, "I made an enemy today!!" I was terribly pleased at the time, I remember. In fact, a year later, I am still pleased with that effort. He made a half-hearted comeback, but the poor guy never had a chance.

More frustrating are your friendly enemies. The people you are constantly getting into arguments with on Usenets and email and chat and... After all, you can't totally cut them to shreds, knowing you are going to talk to them again the next day. Worse, you can't actually give them the clump on the head that they so richly deserve because you are doing this on the Net -- though, admittedly, you are clump-free yourself.

Which brings me, in a roundabout way, to the subject of romantic relationships. In the good old days when we were just e-friends, my current boyfriend would ask, "Do you really think it is possible to know someone well enough through email to love them?" I've convinced him since, but it is a thing that most people who haven't experienced it find very hard to imagine.

Personally, I have found it much easier to know someone this way than in person. Using email and chat, you talk!!!. It doesn't seem such a big deal, but this really doesn't happen that much in "normal" relationships. Instead, you do things together. You go to the movies, you go out for dinner, you go for walks, whatever. But it is very rare that you sit down next to one another and just talk for hours on end -- which is the only thing you can do on the Net.

The very nature of the Internet forces you to communicate. And, even if most of what you write is utter garbage, you reveal an amazing amount of yourself in a very short time.

The way I explain it (unsuccessfully) to my mother is this: In a "normal" relationship you see this body you like, fall in lust, and hope you'll like the mind. In a Net-relationship, you fall in love with the mind and hope the body isn't totally revolting.

I think I prefer it this way.

Of course, not everything in the garden is lovely. If you DO get into one of these things, you will find the fact that you are not together incredibly frustrating. Because, when you care for someone, you want to share things with them. You want to be able to go to the movies, to dinner, to bed, whatever. The fact that you can't do any of them will drive you absolutely bananas.

Touching on the subject of cyber-sex: Don't do it. It can be fantastic, mindboggling, wonderful stuff. And the safest kind you can get. But the end result is that you are there with a melted brain and no one to feed you baby food and wipe up your dribble.

Back to the main track: your friends will NOT understand. They will sneer at you and say things like, "How can you possibly miss him? You haven't MET the guy!!" As if you weren't INCREDIBLY aware of that one!

You also hear horror stories about these things. I met him and he was 12!! I met him and he raped me!! I met him and he was a woman!!!

If you are going to go into a relationship of any kind, you are taking a risk. Most of these horror stories seem to come from the Internet dating chat lines, or something of the same kind. Personally, I would give these things a WIDE berth. I'm inclined to regard them much the same way as I regard dating services generally. Do you really want to go out with someone who goes to these things?? Though that is probably easy to say for someone who has managed to have a couple of great relationships, based on mutual interests, to say.

The other thing you have to recognise, if you want these things to work, is that you have to be hideously honest with the other party. They are NOT going to know if they have upset you, if you don't tell them. They are not going to understand why you don't like the mention of something, if you don't tell them.. You have to tell them when you laugh and when you cry and what your body language is and so on and so forth. This is hard! It is damn hard. I am a bit of a sulker and I always expect someone to guess when they have upset me. It isn't going to happen on the Net, so don't even try it.

In the same way, because you aren't together, you need an amazing amount of reassurance. My boyfriend tells me he loves me at least five times each day. In normal life, I would find this disgustingly mushy. Over the Net, it is barely enough. (Yes, yes, I know... getting a bit mushy myself, aren't I? Try not to be sick all over your puter screen as you read this, OK?)

It is quite likely that I have been exceedingly lucky. I met my first boyfriend, and he was almost exactly what I expected. The current one will be facing the torture of reality in a couple of months (and I won't even begin to talk about the stress THAT produces). I generally don't go looking for friends, but always reply to any email I get and have, in that process, met at least a dozen people who I am very proud to call very close friends. The fact that we may not meet for years is totally irrelevant. You know that they are there and you can rely on them. It's a damn fine way to be.

Now, all I have to do is convince my mother!

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A self-employed professional, she was cyber-married on April 20 and will join her husband, real time, shortly after you read this...

Illustrations: Pramod