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June 20, 1997 |
Prem Panicker
Which brings me right back to where this started
from. May 31. It was, I think, around 6 pm, my time.
I logged in to The Park and went to the private
room that had been created for the ceremony.
It was -- for the cynical me -- just a computer page. With people
posting things under their real names (since the ceremony was
private, all concerned had decided to drop the anonymity of chat
handles and come in as who they really were).
But the other me -- the one that somehow, against all evidence,
continues to believe that this world can, and often does, produce
beautiful moments where they are least looked for -- it was a
lovely chapel, a little one, perhaps, but all the more warm and
intimate for that.
The posts were reflective of the mood. There were about 12 to
15 people in there -- some of whom have since, at my request,
written in of their own experiences with cyber-relationships and
their voices are being reproduced here.
And, for the duration of the ceremony, I kept watch on the posts
-- looking to detect (I guess this is the downside of being a
journalist -- happen I get to heaven, which seems a bit iffy right
now, I might want to see the deed of sale and try to find out
if there is any hanky-panky in the acquisition of that land) any
sign of cynicism, a sign that the guests weren't, what's the word?,
all there.
All I saw was a celebration of love.
The posts were, without exception, complimentary, congratulatory,
couched in the warmest tones.
And, then, the young boy who, for the ceremony, was playing minister
began talking, a sort of monologue that, at first, came through
the other posts and then, increasingly, as he spoke with a raw,
untamed eloquence, I noticed the others fall silent, listening.
He sent me transcripts of the whole thing. The portions I am reproducing,
edited to preserve the anonymity of the participants, are designed
to give you a feel of the ceremony.
"Walking around, fidgeting with the decorations... checking
to see that everything's fine... talking aloud to myself, mostly...
remembering a recent time when some of us were talking and someone
said what is the point in all this cyber thing, it ain't real
anyway, remember? I found the answer to that recently, when I
took a trip to a part of the world that had been struck by a natural
disaster... a place of little, little homes, little people, leading
little lives... dreaming their little dreams... till nature, on
a whim, flexed a little muscle and brought their world crashing
down around their ears... It's a bit difficult to stand there,
amidst the ruins of homes and lives and understand why such things
have to happen... what were those people doing anyways, for the
quake to suddenly smash their lives like a destructive kid with
a toy? I was getting to feel rather low... and then I found some
time... and checked my mail... and there were lines from all of
you... little lines, reaching out to me... reading those lines,
knowing that, somehow, you guys were bridging the thousands of
miles... that kind of put me back on my feet... warmed me... Remember
how someone said in a moment of depression that all this is just
words on a computer screen? Right. That's what I saw, too... words
on a computer screen. But somehow... it was like the mind and
heart could go beyond the words... beyond the screen, even...
across all those thousands of miles... and feel the hearts...
warm, affectionate, sensitive, caring hearts... that sparked those
words I read... realised then, that it is all very, very real...
"Looking around the chapel... thinking... hmmm... want more
for my best friends... walking over to the windows and throwing
them open... letting in the rays of the sun, bright and warm like
heavenly smiles... watching, feeling God's breath waft in as a
gentle breeze ruffling your hair... smiling at a pair of butterflies,
coloured wings iridescent in the morning light, flitting into
the room.... chasing each other round the flowers till they don't
know who's chasing who... and finally settling down to sip honey
off a single flower... thinking, gee, these things are a lot like
us humans, huh?... Standing back to watch nature fill the room
with its benevolent touch... and thinking, ah yes, this is more
like it... this is what I want for two very special people on
their very special day..."
This was when the bride's cyber-daughter... who, over time, I
have come to know as a very warm, very lovely young person with
a very strong sense of ideals, with her head firmly set on her
shoulders and a maturity beyond her years, chipped in with a post
about running in with armfuls of the prettiest flowers Heaven
had to offer. And then proceeded to post about walking down the
aisle ahead of her Ma, strewing those precious flowers for her
to walk on because nothing but the very best would ever do for
the dearest person in her world...
And then the 'minister' read out the vows -- first, for the groom...
"Do you take X as your wife, to love, honour, protect and
cherish her, through sickness and health, for better or for worse
-- is what the traditional question goes. But having spent hours,
days, lifetimes, talking to you and listening to you, I won't
ask that question because I know the answer already. I will ask,
rather, whether you take her as your wife and equal partner of
your life and, more importantly, your TIME? And I ask this knowing
the value you place on your time... the importance you give to
your work... and, because, for both you and her, it is important
to know and to affirm, at this point, the depth of your commitment..."
The groom accepted the vow with a little line loaded with his
feelings, and slipped a 'ring' on the bride's finger...
"Like with him, I am not going to ask you the conventional
question -- I know the answer already, through days and nights
of sitting with you, talking and listening. So I'll ask this --
do you take him as your husband, knowing that while you are the
most important part of his life, there is also his work to which,
you are as aware as I am, the extent of his commitment? I guess
I am asking, do you have the strength to make the best of your
times together... and the patience to endure those periods when
you are apart?"
The bride acknowledged her acceptance and, in turn, slipped a
ring on the groom's finger...
"With pride and with pleasure, with faith and from the wellspring
of my own human-ness, knowing that nothing one individual does
to make another happy can ever be wrong, I declare that you two
-- halves of a perfect whole -- are now united and complete and
WHOLE again! And may I be the first to offer my congratulations
and the fervent hope that never, ever, will either of you have
to go through your days without the comfort, the strength and
joy of the other's presence! You can now kiss your bride..."
That signalled a general celebration.
Meanwhile, I sat quiet before my screen, reading, re-reading...
Trying to figure out just what I had been part of...
And this is the thought that I came away with...
Marriages, they say, are made in Heaven!
So does it really matter that this one was solemnised in cyberspace?
Links
He is from South Africa. She, from Australia. Both of them are deeply, irrevocably in love.
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