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June 20, 1997

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Which brings me right back to where this started from. May 31. It was, I think, around 6 pm, my time.

I logged in to The Park and went to the private room that had been created for the ceremony.

It was -- for the cynical me -- just a computer page. With people posting things under their real names (since the ceremony was private, all concerned had decided to drop the anonymity of chat handles and come in as who they really were).

But the other me -- the one that somehow, against all evidence, continues to believe that this world can, and often does, produce beautiful moments where they are least looked for -- it was a lovely chapel, a little one, perhaps, but all the more warm and intimate for that.

The posts were reflective of the mood. There were about 12 to 15 people in there -- some of whom have since, at my request, written in of their own experiences with cyber-relationships and their voices are being reproduced here.

And, for the duration of the ceremony, I kept watch on the posts -- looking to detect (I guess this is the downside of being a journalist -- happen I get to heaven, which seems a bit iffy right now, I might want to see the deed of sale and try to find out if there is any hanky-panky in the acquisition of that land) any sign of cynicism, a sign that the guests weren't, what's the word?, all there.

All I saw was a celebration of love.

The posts were, without exception, complimentary, congratulatory, couched in the warmest tones.

And, then, the young boy who, for the ceremony, was playing minister began talking, a sort of monologue that, at first, came through the other posts and then, increasingly, as he spoke with a raw, untamed eloquence, I noticed the others fall silent, listening.

He sent me transcripts of the whole thing. The portions I am reproducing, edited to preserve the anonymity of the participants, are designed to give you a feel of the ceremony.

"Walking around, fidgeting with the decorations... checking to see that everything's fine... talking aloud to myself, mostly... remembering a recent time when some of us were talking and someone said what is the point in all this cyber thing, it ain't real anyway, remember? I found the answer to that recently, when I took a trip to a part of the world that had been struck by a natural disaster... a place of little, little homes, little people, leading little lives... dreaming their little dreams... till nature, on a whim, flexed a little muscle and brought their world crashing down around their ears... It's a bit difficult to stand there, amidst the ruins of homes and lives and understand why such things have to happen... what were those people doing anyways, for the quake to suddenly smash their lives like a destructive kid with a toy? I was getting to feel rather low... and then I found some time... and checked my mail... and there were lines from all of you... little lines, reaching out to me... reading those lines, knowing that, somehow, you guys were bridging the thousands of miles... that kind of put me back on my feet... warmed me... Remember how someone said in a moment of depression that all this is just words on a computer screen? Right. That's what I saw, too... words on a computer screen. But somehow... it was like the mind and heart could go beyond the words... beyond the screen, even... across all those thousands of miles... and feel the hearts... warm, affectionate, sensitive, caring hearts... that sparked those words I read... realised then, that it is all very, very real...

"Looking around the chapel... thinking... hmmm... want more for my best friends... walking over to the windows and throwing them open... letting in the rays of the sun, bright and warm like heavenly smiles... watching, feeling God's breath waft in as a gentle breeze ruffling your hair... smiling at a pair of butterflies, coloured wings iridescent in the morning light, flitting into the room.... chasing each other round the flowers till they don't know who's chasing who... and finally settling down to sip honey off a single flower... thinking, gee, these things are a lot like us humans, huh?... Standing back to watch nature fill the room with its benevolent touch... and thinking, ah yes, this is more like it... this is what I want for two very special people on their very special day..."

This was when the bride's cyber-daughter... who, over time, I have come to know as a very warm, very lovely young person with a very strong sense of ideals, with her head firmly set on her shoulders and a maturity beyond her years, chipped in with a post about running in with armfuls of the prettiest flowers Heaven had to offer. And then proceeded to post about walking down the aisle ahead of her Ma, strewing those precious flowers for her to walk on because nothing but the very best would ever do for the dearest person in her world...

And then the 'minister' read out the vows -- first, for the groom...

"Do you take X as your wife, to love, honour, protect and cherish her, through sickness and health, for better or for worse -- is what the traditional question goes. But having spent hours, days, lifetimes, talking to you and listening to you, I won't ask that question because I know the answer already. I will ask, rather, whether you take her as your wife and equal partner of your life and, more importantly, your TIME? And I ask this knowing the value you place on your time... the importance you give to your work... and, because, for both you and her, it is important to know and to affirm, at this point, the depth of your commitment..."

The groom accepted the vow with a little line loaded with his feelings, and slipped a 'ring' on the bride's finger...

"Like with him, I am not going to ask you the conventional question -- I know the answer already, through days and nights of sitting with you, talking and listening. So I'll ask this -- do you take him as your husband, knowing that while you are the most important part of his life, there is also his work to which, you are as aware as I am, the extent of his commitment? I guess I am asking, do you have the strength to make the best of your times together... and the patience to endure those periods when you are apart?"

The bride acknowledged her acceptance and, in turn, slipped a ring on the groom's finger...

"With pride and with pleasure, with faith and from the wellspring of my own human-ness, knowing that nothing one individual does to make another happy can ever be wrong, I declare that you two -- halves of a perfect whole -- are now united and complete and WHOLE again! And may I be the first to offer my congratulations and the fervent hope that never, ever, will either of you have to go through your days without the comfort, the strength and joy of the other's presence! You can now kiss your bride..."

That signalled a general celebration.

Meanwhile, I sat quiet before my screen, reading, re-reading...

Trying to figure out just what I had been part of...

And this is the thought that I came away with...

Marriages, they say, are made in Heaven!

So does it really matter that this one was solemnised in cyberspace?

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He is from South Africa. She, from Australia. Both of them are deeply, irrevocably in love.

A self-employed professional, she was cyber-married on April 20 and will join her husband, real time, shortly after you read this...

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